'tis no matter what you do, if you were not in Mexicoo

Or Canada. Either way, not having experience on the North American continent is the most heinous crime that can be committed and immediately disqualifies you from any form of competency. Let's see a few cases.


Prince Edward, leading the Guards at Lanoraie, has experienced 'service in the Crimea that had won him a brevet... Undoubtedly brave and capable, however, he had never served in America.' Note that this is put at the very end of the description, to act as a summary of the whole. All Prince Edward's heroics were just so much farting about, because he has never served in America.

Similarly, despite their heroism, the three commanders attacking Rouse's Point have also never served in America.

During the second relief of Lucknow, led by Sir Colin Campbell, Russell had commanded a brigade that covered the left of the army as it fought its way to the city. He had been severely wounded but had remained in the field, commanding mixed brigades of British and sepoy infantry until the end in ‘58. The results were multiple mentions in dispatches, recognition for distinguished service, and being made a Companion of the Bath... Browne, commissioned in 1846, had served gallantly at Sebastopol in the Crimea, while Ross, commissioned in 1838, had seen action in India and Nepal, including being mentioned in dispatches. Despite their decades of service, none of the three men – including Russell - had significant experience in North America.

The exact extent to which never having served in America matters depending on the individual. For instance, as Charles Hastings Doyle has served in America before, his descriptions focus on the fact that he has never commanded troops before (although the descriptions of similar Union commanders do not do the same). Had Doyle served in America and commanded troops, his description would have listed the number of times he had purchased commissions. Had he served in America, commanded troops, and moved up without purchase, he would have been given a funny accent and an uncomplimentary physical description.

Those who are tempted to ask how service in a Mexico, or a short and humiliating campaign in Virginia, or committing atrocities against Native Americans can be better preparation for fighting in snowy Canada than fighting in the snowy Crimea are reminded that this is not the point. Those who would like to highlight that the British army of 1812 or its reinforcements didn't have experience of North America when they turned back the US invasion, and that come to think of it they didn't have much prior experience of Flanders or Spain or China or New Zealand when they won wars there either, and that perhaps the fundamental lesson the British military drew from its imperial experience was the need to be flexible in responding to local conditions, are reminded that this is sun-never-sets British exceptionalism and are encouraged to report to their local reprocessing centre as their earliest convenience.